Up and running.

Takeninhand.com is back.

Hmmm... maybe I'll post on that site...

You can still be submissive and be an equal.

Takeninhand.com is currently out of commission. It seems "taken in hand" is more popular in the UK than it is in the States.

Here is another website on the subject that is very well-produced: Humbled Females.

(See also my 3/4/07 post.)

Ms. Jackson done sang it: "I'm in CONTROL."

I hate controlling relationships. To see a person subjugate oneself to another, the so-called "alpha," him or her rimlicking without knowing it, his/her head totally in the dark of the domineering person. It is not just chauvinist men controlling doormat women -- it pisses me off more to see a woman pistol-whipping a man, emasculating him to the point of rendering him a certified eunuch.

The acrid taste that comes up when a girl talks flippantly of her "stupid boyfriend," or a woman demeaning "her man" for not doing exactly what she demanded or summoning some innate ESP and reading her mind. It comes up whether she chastises him in front of me, or confides to me her dissatisfaction and tries to appeal to our common womanhood -- that supposedly as a woman, she automatically possesses the "universal right" in a relationship. (I have to check myself and admit I'm guilty of this BS in past relationships. I know now why I acted and reacted that way. As I've said, know your triggers...)

An eyewitness account of such a dysfunctional relationship: my former best girlfriend from the neighborhood. (Bitch was already on the outs with me since being a histrionic mooch at my birthday celebration, for which she is too conceited to apologize.) She enslaves her husband en total. He's indebted to her because their "love match" of a marriage also fortuitously saved him from deportation -- and she makes him pay for it with his pride. The whole purpose of his being now is to make his wife successful. I've never heard what his goals are.

No wonder he drinks himself into a stupor almost every night. No wonder he wants to spend his whole paycheck playing pool at pubs, defying his wife's Oprah-budget rules. I can even understand his violent side, the anger he takes out on inanimate objects, the Martha-Stewart WASPy material things she so covets and values. She boasts how she plucked him from the crowd, changing him from a shirking wallflower, picked his hipster clothes and turned him into something; now she is horrified to see what that something really is.

I don't hang out with them anymore. My easygoing smile and nonmaterial outlook are wasted on the likes of them. (Before I cut them off, I had a very bemusing incident, maybe too much to recount on this blog.) She refuses to ever admit she's wrong. She expects me to be as a much of a bootlicker as her husband. Don't hold your breath, woman. I actually enjoy hearing dissenting viewpoints -- openness deepens understanding. But I won't back down from my principles.

As a single mother, I have to be very selective when choosing a potential partner (even if it's just for a fun time or a good screw). Being steadfastly Pro-Choice, it was a point of empowerment for me to choose to be a single mother. Whoever I bring now into my life and my son's life, I have to enforce that same control. I am looking for an equal.

The next guy I date:

Should familiarize himself with the term "taken in hand." He also should be able to openly discuss it with me and understand what I mean it to be.

Other essential reads from takeninhand.com:

• What is Taken in Hand?
  
• Could this kind of relationship be for you?
  
• Give me intensity or give me death!
  
• I am a strong woman but I want to be taken in hand. Is this normal?
• The submissive alpha female
  (Scroll down for some great scenarios.)
• Who says you have to be submissive?
  
• I don't want to be a servant or slave
• Do you have a commanding presence?
  
• Is your new man dominant, domineering, or a dithering wimp?

(Ever since I watched the movie Secretary [with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal; click right photo] when it was released a few years ago, I've become fascinated with this subject. But it was only today that I found out there was name for this kind of relationship.)

What is a LushMommy?

It is a woman who happens to be a mother, and wants to keep the same identity she had before she had a child. She is entitled to develop her identity further, within and beyond her state of motherhood. She is entitled to have fun and freedom, whether or not she is married, commited or single.

She will always remember she is a mother, but she is still a woman, and sometimes she likes to get her groove on.

Also visit: Mothers for Social Drinking: Statement of Belief